After pregnancy care
Post pregnancy care, body and mind.
Society affirms that women require support and care from Obstetricians and Midwives during and shortly after birth. It has not been publicly recognised that there is also a need for psychological care throughout pregnancy, birthing and parenting. Research suggests that psychological care as preparation for parenting may break generational trauma patterns and assist in positive child development.
Boss Mind Therapy advocates that parents who are calm, aware of their emotional triggers and practice their coping strategies can best support a child to do the same.
We aim to give expected parents a real glimpse into what will come and how to best support themselves and each other.
The question asked most is, how do you self care whilst raising children?
New parents, especially mothers, are unique beings. Mothers are highly adaptable; they deal with extreme levels of exhaustion, they learn on the job, all whilst offering nurture and care to their babies. Naturally, we understand why demands for infants are immediate and sometimes relentless. Lack of self-care, therefore, can be the first sign of burnout. It is essential to remind ourselves that parents are human and susceptible to burnout and depressive states. But there is excellent news. Psychology is available to assist.
Psychology tells us that when we are experiencing emotional dysregulation or, more commonly, phrases of being overwhelmed, stressed or anxious, our mind stalls cognitively. There is a need to decompress; only when we have regulated our emotions can we return to the situation with a solution-focused mindset.
Self-care doesn't have to be a warm bath, a weekend away, a trip to the gym, although all of these are perfectly great ways to self-care. Self-care can be self-regulation, self-awareness, breathing techniques, pause and reset. These self-care practices take little downtime and can be completed as often as you like to build long term muscle memory. When parenting and experiencing dysregulation, you can have a self-care plan. This plan will be a self-care act that takes no more than 1 minute and places you into a calm mindset. Your job is to find yours and start practising as often as possible.
With self-care in place and available to you, let us discuss the practical side of parenting burnout and how to solve it with Communication, Roles and Support. Discussions on managing life when your baby arrives are as important as your birth plan. Let us break down a birth plan.
Where will you birth?
How will you get to your birthplace?
When will you go to your birthplace?
Who will support your birth?
What pain management will you give birth with?
Car seat for baby transportation.
Packing a bag with essentials for birth.
And on it goes.
This birth plan is discussed between support givers. It is discussed between mother and partner. Communication is clear, and support is in place. Tasks are delegated as needed, and responsible parties are confirmed.
So why do most couples fail to go further and map out past the birth itself?
When we stop planning, communicating and supporting each other, we place expectations in the space, disappointment and resentment can take over and all because we have forgotten how to work together.
Resetting is required: Communication, Roles and Support.
We suggest discussions on the following to lower your chances of a breakdown.
Who will do groceries?
Who will prepare meals?
Who will do the washing?
Who will do the cleaning?
Who will bathe the baby?
Who will feed the baby?
Who will change the baby?
Who will settle the baby?
Who will do sleep times?
Who will do wake times?
And the list goes on.
Communication and setting of roles provide support for the family and its members. By highlighting each role within the family, each member is validated and appreciated for their contribution.
During all this excellent connected communication you will be practising, you may have something pop up. Resistance. An example may be like:
"What if I can't settle the baby?”
"You know how I get when I am tired, I don't want to lose too much sleep."
"I can't do poo nappies. I am not good with poo."
"I am not a good cook. You will have to do that."
Whilst we all have our preferred flow in roles, and these may have been perfected over many years, psychology confirms exposure, repeated over time, will break down old patterns of resistance.
Resistance is formed by avoiding a particular situation or task based on an outdated experience from your past. Like you learnt your resistance, you can learn new ways of doing, bringing forth growth.
You are constantly growing psychologically. That is our humanistic goal in life, to grow and develop. Parenting is a lifelong journey; you will grow in ways you never thought possible, be kind to yourself along the way.
When should resistance be addressed with a professional? If discussions take a tone of:
I am nervous about my temper.
I am nervous about what lack of sleep has done for me in the past
I am anxious I won't be a good parent
We recommend you seek professional advice on how to unpack these concerns, gain positive coping strategies, move forward confidentially in real-life settings with your family.
The second most significant question is: What do we do if we are concerned a parent is depressed?
You speak to them.
Let me set the scene for you:
You are on a bus heading home from a long day at work.
You get a phone call from your boss.
You must go straight back to work.
You are not told for how long, but it could be days, weeks, or months.
You ask if you can have a break to rest first, and they say no. Just hurry, we need you.
You walk back into work.
There is so much to do.
You are tired.
You are confused.
You look around, and you are all alone.
You need someone to talk to.
You need some support.
You need someone to tell you it will be okay.
In this scenario, you would be rightfully concerned. This is where if you are worried about someone, gently tell them so.
Discussing someone's mental health does not need to be daunting. You don't have to fix all the problems, but talking can improve things. Remember, you will not make matters worse by talking about your concerns for someone's wellbeing.
Here are some simple ways to be supportive:
Show empathy: Try "what you are going through must be difficult" or "that sounds hard."
Be respectful: Show respect for their privacy and autonomy. Respectfully acknowledge their decisions about their wellbeing. They don't need to share details.
Offer support: Ask how you can help. It may not always feel like it, but simply being a safe and approachable part of their lives can be helpful.
If depression lasts longer than two weeks or impacts a person's safety or ability to function, professional help is recommended.
You can offer this by recommending they see their GP, a psychologist, therapist or counsellor. or even calling a Helpline – like Lifeline.
If they had sought help before and were not happy with the outcome, encourage them to try again until they find someone who works for them.
So to recap, there are three things to remember.
Self-care – what type you will practice and when will you practice it.
Communication, Roles and Support – who will do what, and when will they do it.
Resistance – accept change and growth. Seek assistance if you are struggling.
Click here to contact me for a free, no-obligation phone call. My clinic is conveniently located in Arana Hills in Brisbane North. Also available for zoom appointments if required.
